Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
