A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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