My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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