I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize