I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
