he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize