Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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