Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
