she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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