Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
