ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They took my balls.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
