I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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