why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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