I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
