Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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