Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
