just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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