Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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