i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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