my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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