Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
