marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
