I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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