Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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