Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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