Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
