Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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