We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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