Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
