So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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