Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
