Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
