Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
