you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
