A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
