the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
