Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
