Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
