And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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