Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
