he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
