This is not my ceiling
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
