My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I touched a dick in church today
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
