i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sext me about skeletons
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
