I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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