so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
