Say something about gay babies.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
