And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
