I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize