If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
