Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
