last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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