walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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