Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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