I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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