I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
