Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
