Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize