If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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