So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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