she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
