So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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