i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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