I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize