If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
