Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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