Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Randomize
